Love Hurts

We're all taught growing up that we're to "do unto others as we'd have them do unto us." Jesus tells us that the two most important commandments are to love God and to love others. Even in movies, we root for the "good" guy, the underdog, the one who puts it all on the line for someone else. In books, we want love to triumph over all obstacles. Loving others makes us feel good about ourselves.

Loving others also drains every last drop of emotion, energy, enthusiasm out of us. Sometimes, it takes a lot of work to love. Even when loving comes naturally as in the case of loving our children, it can still leave us spent.

Loving and empathy seem to go hand in hand. It's difficult to love another person without feeling empathy, getting inside the emotions of that person and walking in those proverbial shoes. As if my own emotions aren't draining enough, taking on others' emotions is often overwhelming, especially when it's the emotions of my children.

This very morning, my high schooler came to me feeling sick. Do I think he's sick? I'm not sure. I know that several of us have felt pretty bad over the last couple of weeks. I also know that his dad is out-of-town; he knows his momma's weakness (i.e, love); and he's not too high on school. The love/empathy steps in, and I cave, unsure of my decision but very sure of my love for him.

This same morning, my fifth grader walked around the house with a blanket or jacket over his head. Hoping that he'd decided that he was yet another of Michael Jackson's love children, I teased him only to discover that there was true sadness hiding under that blanket. And my heart took off again! He's been struggling the last several weeks, disliking school, bored with school, bored with church, bored with life in general. He's even been sleeping in my room at night. With a full day ahead of me, I CANNOT give in to his desire to stay home. In addition, he has to learn to keep putting one foot in front of another even when his feet are heavy. As he walked from our home to the bus stop, though, my heart ached for him, and a part of me went with him.

The younger girls have also had their own drama. My fourth grader doesn't feel that she has any friends, feels that she's not in the popular group, and often hangs out with the boys. I understand those feelings, remember those feelings, and ache for her as she lies in my lap and cries time and time again. The baby of our family is still insecure, still unsure of her place, struggling to stay the baby while being pushed to be more independent. And once again, my heart, so full of love, aches.

As I drive down the road and see homeless people with signs, I want to help each one of them, not just hand them $10 but really help them. As I hear stories of teenagers feeling unloved and hurting themselves, I want to love them, to walk with them through this journey of life. When I see the images of people suffering all over the world, I send money, but I want to touch them, to love them, to make a real difference in each of their lives.

All of these feelings are God-given, natural, appropriate emotions. They are an attempt to live out the loving God/loving others Commandment. They are the "do unto others...." That love is what separates us from those who can so easily hurt others with no feelings of remorse. I want to love like I love. I want to allow my heart the freedom to walk down the street with my child as he goes to school in tears, to wrap my arms around broken friends, to passionately adore my husband, to praise my Heavenly Father with a completely open, though imperfect, heart. God, teach me to love unconditionally both You and Others, but, God, hold my heart gently in Your hands as it cracks and bruises easily.