Do you ever feel totally alone in the world? Alone in a house full of people, full of laughter, tears, music, talking...... Ever feel as though the world is spinning by full of people who are happy, sad, dying, living, moving faster and faster, and you're one little spot, one lonely little spot? It's as if there's an egg enclosing me inside, making me invisible, or at least a part of me invisible. The needing me never ends. "I need help with this." "Can you spend time with me?" "Momma, where's my _______?" And, definitely, the satisfaction is never fulfilled. Happy with me one moment can turn into disappointment in me the next. All while I'm just trying....trying...trying. Does anyone really care that I'm trying? Does it really matter? What if I quit trying? Would the approvals and disappointments remain the same?
I am loved. Truly loved. But does anyone want to know how I feel? Does anyone care how I feel? Do my feelings change anyone's actions or words? I am loved. But....do you know how I feel? Would you treat me differently if you did? Would I still feel totally alone in the world? Would I still be one lonely little spot?
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I can relate...soemtimes i feel i am suppose to, I HAVE to, get everyone else's feelings...the kids, hubbie but I don't sense them feeling like getting mine...understanding mine....I can do all I need to do in a robotic mode because it has to be done but when I need to voice a feeling happy or sad it is not always treated well because I am not fulfilling their need so do they care?! and should I really keep dumping that stuff on friends when I need to vent. tyring hard to always look to God, to take it or dump it on Him, to not stuff it inside. But it is harder than it sounds at times.
ReplyDeletei've been feeling like a spot for a while now, too...even sort of wishing someone would just erase me...for all the good i'm doing.
ReplyDelete(glad to see you back in bloggy business.)