Who Taught Me to Love My Babies?

I just finished reading an excellent memoir by Susanna Sonnenberg entitled "Her Last Death." Let me start by saying that I would not recommend this book to everyone as it is full of drugs, sex, extravagant lifestyle to the far reaches of excess, and incredibly poor parenting. In fact, I would hardly call Susanna's mother a "parent" as she introduced her daughter to her own world of drugs and sex at the age of eight. Her mother most definitely would be labeled abusive, physically, emotionally, and verbally. The emotional damage as well as the early introduction to sex and drugs caused Susanna incredible problems as she grew to adulthood. Sex to her became a tool, a means of feeling self-fulfilled, even successful, as she conquered many, many men and used them to get her way or just to have power over them for a few days or even a night.

The most poignant part of the book is the last quarter, as Susanna moves to Montana to attempt to settle down with a man who NEVER lied, quite the opposite of her mother and her who seldom told the truth. Somehow, Christopher, her future husband, taught her the value of love, of commitment to one another, and even helped her change her view of sex as an act to the true togetherness of making love.

Eventually, Susanna and Christopher had two boys, and she had to cut her mother out of her life because of the drugs and her fear for how she might teach her sons some of the same things Susanna had been taught at such an early age. Sad life, huh?

To me, this part of the book was refreshing, showing the healing power of true love and true commitment. In the last chapter, she recounts a few scenes from her childhood not yet told. They were glimpses into brief moments when her mother actually showed her how to love her boys. The most touching was when she was three, and she recalled her mother bending down over the bathtub, wrapping Susanna in a towel, and carrying her with her wet head lying on her shoulder into the bed, whispering that she loved her. Those moments were the moments that she realized had shaped her in the ways she DID want to parent her boys.

Those moments brought back memories of who taught me how to love my babies. My mother had her faults, as well do I and every other mother! I can honestly say, though, that she loved her babies with a fierce love, and she was always available to show us just how much. My mother was the one who taught me to listen to my children, their long stories, their happy moments, their tears. She taught me to be happy when they are happy and to be sad when they are sad. She taught me the importance of attending school parties, field trips, plays, dance recitals, and all of those things that are highly important to my children. She taught me to be a cheerleader for my kids, to be an advocate when they needed one, to encourage them to be independent and stand up for themselves. She showed me through her example how special it is to tuck my children in at night, to pray with them, and kiss them softly. My mother never tires of saying, "I love you," and to this day, we don't end a phone conversation or a visit without saying those three special words. My children, likewise, hear "I love you" almost as often as they hear their names. Just as my mother had nicknames for us, I have nicknames for my babies..."princess, big guy, baby, Keke-doll, Shenners, Nator, Meister-man, love-bug, sweetie......" My momma taught me how to fake a sweet tone when I feel like screaming, "I'M DONE!!!!" Yes, she taught me to love my babies with a fierce love, a love that I didn't know that I had inside of me!

Momma with Flat Stanley (for her Grandchild, of course!)

Another special person who taught me to love my babies when they truly were babies is my precious sister-in-law Danea. I watched her with my beautiful niece Amanda as she would bathe her, wrap her tightly in a blanket, rock her, talk to her, and put her before Danea's own happiness. Although I feel partially responsible for raising my little brother Troy who was born when I was 14, once Carson was born, I looked to Danea for how to take care of his little needs. I watched her as she would hold him and other babies, the way that she could always calm them with her soft movements, her sweet voice, and her tight hold. (I also learned to clean house, keep my mouth shut when necessary, and fight for the love of my life by watching Danea, but I suppose that's another blog!)

Danea with Her Firstborn, Beautiful Amanda

Who taught me to love my babies? I'd have to say that I learned by example by watching the two most special ladies in my life. Thank you, Momma, and thank you, Danea, not just for teaching me to love my babies but also for helping me through this journey of learning to love myself. Words cannot express the debt that I owe each of you and how thankful I am that God gave me just the right momma and just the right sister!! I love you both with all of my heart and all of my soul!! And I love my babies with every single piece of me!!